Losing faith..

I decided months ago, that I am temporarily "ok" with the kind of job that I have. BPO to be specific. And I have several reasons why I'm holding on to this. I have responsibilities at home and I cannot just leave that behind because when it comes to my family, I've always been everyone's priority. What I want and I what I need really do matters.

And now that I have "somehow" enough capability of helping them in any way possible, I seriously just can't turn my back on them. Not now because I'm just starting to return the favor for every single thing that my family did for me. I keep saying to myself, "it's my turn now."

My heart is torn in half and I'm being swallowed with jealousy, envy and pain. It's a different feeling to see someone reaching what they want to do while your stuck in the middle of nowhere just "playing safe". As I said, I have several reasons why I'm staying in this kind of job, I know that very well. But I cannot afford to explain to people how I feel.

I now believe that your greatest enemy will be yourself. I've always believed in my capabilities. I know what I can do and I've been truly aware about it. And at this moment, my heart is breaking because I feel like I'm losing faith in myself. I feel like I'm not certain anymore of what I am capable of doing. My heart is breaking because I am doubtful of my own strength. I know deep within that I shouldn't be. But I really just can't help it. I try to distract myself with good things but I can see my dreams vanishing. Others may not fully understand what I feel but if there's one thing that I'm praying now, that is to gain the faith that I once had for myself. :(