Breathe in, Breathe out

Surpassing all troubles in life made me believe that I was strong. Strong enough to move forward, forget yesterday and just look forward to tomorrow. But sometimes, when life gets really difficult to deal with, and it leaves you with no choice, all you can really do is sit down, calm yourself and your heart, hold back tears, listen to good music, close eyes, breathe in and breathe out, and hope that you could be stronger, just a little more.

13 years ago

13 years ago, my parents chose to let go of the love that once bonded the both of them. At a very young age, I understood infidelity.  But I had to believe that the love they once shared was true. It was just lost somewhere. I was a kid and yet, I had a different version of the word "pain". 13 years ago, I lost my reason to get out of bed everyday.

It has been 13 years and today, the person who ruined my "home", the person who broke the solid foundation of my mom and dad's love, the person who stole my chance of having a complete family, the person who caused me so much pain -- decided to talk to me. And yet, not even a single "I'm sorry." 

But today, I am letting go because I know that even though some families aren't together under a single roof, the pureness of love from our parents can always fight storms and will forever reign. 

Last Friday for 2012

I am finally freeing myself of all the agony and discomfort 2012 has brought me. I will because beyond all, I know I've been showered with so much blessings. And I choose to hold on to all those wonderful things. I am trying to forgive. I am trying to be patient. I know I fail a lot of people but deep down, I know I am trying to be better. At the end of a long and tiring day, we all just want to be reminded that we need to carry on because life's being life and we gotta have to fight a little more.  

To be HAPPY again...

My heart feels really heavy this past few days. There are things on my mind that swallows me inside and the only thing that I wanna do right now is to have my Starbucks Signature Hot Chocolate and be alone even just for a day.

I want a single day wherein I could just breathe without worrying about anything. But because of my busy schedule, I can't find time to do what I want. Simply because I need to work and study at the same time. Others think it's easy but they don't know what I have to go through every single day. My everyday schedule leaves me too weak to function like a normal human being.

You know what I feel right now? It's like I have to be strong for everyone else and they don't even bother to ask if I'm okay. It's like I don't have the right to be tired and be weak. Oh well, maybe they forgot that I'm still HUMAN and I am getting fed up of everything that is happening around me.

Nobody knows how tired I am. I'm PHYSICALLY and EMOTIONALLY tired and I'm using the only energy that I have to smile, pretend I'm ok, and continue stuff that I am obliged to do. Life is being so harsh to me right now. And nobody understands how I feel, seriously.

I wanna be in a place wherein it's ok to CRY. A place wherein it is ok not to be ok.

Well I guess I'm not asking for too much, but I just really wanna be HAPPY again.